To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before: A Parent’s Guide

Warning: Spoilers ahead!

Move over Sweet Dreams and Sweet Valley High. Jenny Han’s YA romance series about Lara Jean dealing with embarrassing teen moments and relationships is the new standard for today’s youth. Today’s teen romance is night and day from what they used to be, and I have mixed feelings about it.

In the first book, To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before, Lara Jean finds herself in an embarrassing situation where her little sister mails out unsent love letters she wrote to the boys she had crushes on. It made for many awkward encounters and mishaps which eventually led her to being in a relationship with one of them: Peter Kravinsky. Now that she is in a “real” relationship, Jenny Han’s second book, P.S. I Still Love You, deals with making choices where two young men are involved. In her final book of the series, Always and Forever, Lara Jean, Han explores trials facing typical seniors such as college decisions, prom, beach week, and personal choices.

Perhaps one of the endearing aspects of Han’s books is her character, Lara Jean. Lara Jean Song Covey loves vintage stuff, loves fiddling with craft projects, and pretty much has her own test kitchen where she comes up with the recipe for the best chocolate chip cookie. Despite losing her mother at a young age, she, along with her older sister, Margot and little sister Kitty, seem to have good heads on their shoulders. They have learned to handle the day-to-day as their dad works an OB-GYN. And, despite the little sister spats that may take place, the Song sisters are as tight-knit as can be.

Lara Jean, as a typical middle child, exhibits all the traits typical for that birth order: she is a peacemaker, and she has learned to be the bridge between her older and younger sisters. She can read the room temperature and knows how to adjust demeanor and utterances in order to make the best of the situation. All this and more, make Lara Jean a lovable character that you hope your teenagers can relate to.

But perhaps the most outstanding feature about Lara Jean is her ability to stay true to herself despite all the peer pressure to be had and to do otherwise. Lara Jean could be seen as quirky or even strange as she is so close to her sisters and wouldn’t mind staying close to home. She also doesn’t let the pressure of having sex, smoking, doing drugs, or drinking alcohol in high school sway her from her principles. Despite the lack of a mother during those crucial years, somehow, Lara Jean remains true to her beliefs that someone obviously passed down to her. And for that, she is admirable.

That is not to say that she is perfect. No youth is without their moments of impulsiveness and rebellion but Lara Jean would still be “tame” compared to other teens. Nevertheless, she is not perfect but that way she handles them shows that she has common sense and she has her family and friends to rely on.

Initially, I was leery of reading a teen romance book as the last series I read was such a disappointment and it was all about sex. Hormones may be raging but I would like to think that that’s not the only thing in a teenager’s mind. Lara Jean deals with real typical high school student dilemmas and no topic was left untouched. So in a sense, I am glad that the author did not skirt the issue of teen sex, and I am also glad that Lara Jean stood strong and did not give in, at least until she is in college. I think more teens need to be shown that there are other ways than giving in to peer pressure. With Lara Jean in her baby doll dresses and Mary Jane shoes, she is showing teenagers exactly how to do that.

If this is the best we have with regards to teen romance books, then I am glad that Lara Jean is marching to her own drumbeats. I do believe many teenagers now need to do the same and break free from pressures they are not ready for nor are they ready to face the consequences of.

Jenny Han ended the third novel with the finality that that was the last Lara Jean story. After all, whatever happens after that is Lara Jean making choices as an adult–which is beyond the purview of this series.